More Single Women Seek Attached Men



Researchers have debated for years whether men or women are likelier to engage in “mate poaching.” Some surveys indicated that men had a stronger tendency to go after other people’s partners, but was that just because men were more likely to admit engaging in this behavior? Now there’s experimental evidence that single women are particularly drawn to other people’s partners, according to a report in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology by two social psychologists, Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University.

Noting that single women often complain that “all the good men are taken,” the psychologists wondered if “this perception is really based on the fact that taken men are perceived as good.” To investigate, the researchers quizzed male and female undergraduates — some involved in romantic relationships, some unattached — about their ideal romantic partner.

Next, each of the experimental subjects was told that he or she had been matched by a computer with a like-minded partner, and each was shown a photo of an attractive person of the opposite sex. (All the women saw the same photo, as did all the men.) Half of the subjects were told that their match was already romantically involved with someone else, while the other half were told that their match was unattached. Then the subjects were all asked how interested they were in their match.

To the men in the experiment, and to the women who were already in relationships, it didn’t make a significant difference whether their match was single or attached. But single women showed a distinct preference for mate poaching. When the man was described as unattached, 59 percent of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same man was described as being in a committed relationship, 90 percent were interested. The researchers write:

According to a recent poll, most women who engage in mate poaching do not think the attached status of the target played a role in their poaching decision, but our study shows this belief to be false. Single women in this study were significantly more interested in the target when he was attached. This may be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been ‘‘pre-screened” by another woman.

Well, that makes sense. But I asked Dr. Burkley, a professor of social psychology at Oklahoma State, if the correlation could also be due to another factor at work in some women: fear of intimacy. Could their interest in unavailable guys be what was keeping them single in the first place?

Maybe, Dr. Burkley replied. “There are many possible explanations for our results,” she told me, “and future research needs to identify exactly why single women prefer taken men. Our lab is currently conducting studies to try and tease apart the different potential explanations for our findings, but your explanation seems quite plausible.”

Labels: dating, mate poaching, Oklahoma State University, social psychology

TOP 10: Ways Guys Kill the Mood





No.10 - Bad music
As you dim the lights and turn on a little mood music, choose the tunes carefully. Music relays a message about where the night is headed. Avoid anything too girly (Madonna, Avril Lavigne, Miley Cyrus) and steer clear of the clichés ("Let’s Get It On," "Sexual Healing," "I Wanna Sex You Up"). While rock music can make sex exciting, "Smack My Bitch Up" and anything by Nine Inch Nails should not be used on a first date.

No.9 - Answering the phone
Do not, under any circumstances, stop a make-out session to answer the phone. In fact, if you go back to your place at the end of a date, turn your phone off. Interruptions can really put a damper on things, and if it is your mom calling, your girl is probably putting on her jacket already.

No.8 - Groping
You should have left messy groping behind in the 10th grade. Simply grabbing at her boobs with your tongue hanging out won’t cut it. By now, you should know what to do. Moving randomly from body part to body part is confusing and never gives your girl a chance to get into it. Move slowly from one body part to the next -- lightly touching at first, then with more passion.

No.7 - Begging
A girl most likely makes up her mind before the date regarding how far she is willing to go, but you do have a chance to change her mind. At the end of the night, give her a good kiss that takes her breath away. This is when she might reconsider going home with you. If she still isn’t interested, do not whine or beg. If you beg, you will never get a second chance --ever.

No.6 - Being selfish
It takes time to get a woman going. She needs kissing, touching, caressing, and more than two minutes to reach orgasm. If you have moved past the make-out stage and the clothes are coming off, take time to focus on her. If you aren’t satisfying her, she could get frustrated (or bored) and call it a night.



No.5 - Bad kissing
It doesn’t matter how hot a guy is, if he can’t kiss, he isn’t going past first base. When you lean in for the first end-of-the-date kiss, remember to control your tongue. Don’t lick her teeth, chin, cheeks, forehead, etc., and try not to stick it down her throat.

No.4 - Bad conversation
Giving a little verbal praise is always appreciated, but too many “Oh babys” can really kill the mood. Going over-the-top with chatter comes across as fake and forced. Just be natural. If things are really heating up, don’t ask too many questions: “Do you like it when I kiss you?” “Does my hand feel good there?” You shouldn’t have to ask; her reactions will tell you if you are doing a good job.

No.3 - Heading straight for home
You can’t cross the plate without making stops at first, second and third. Do not hand her a glass of wine, turn on some music, lower the lights and then stick your hand in her pants.

No.2 - Asking for permission
Most girls like a man who knows how to take charge, so when you ask for permission every step of the way you come across as a wimp. Asking; “Can I kiss you?” at the end of a date, or “Is this OK?” when kissing comes across as weak. You might as well ask: “Can I grow a pair?” Assess the situation; if she's really into it, man up and take the plunge.

No.1 - Managing her moves
Newsflash: Girls know you want them to touch your penis. If you are making out at home, 20 minutes have passed, and she still has not made a grab for the crotch area, chances are, she isn’t going to. Therefore, do not pull her hand toward your genitals, and do not grab the back of her head and push her down. Women are not stupid, and after the head grab she will most likely blow you off -- and not in the way you had hoped.

Labels: dating, dating advice, guys killing the mood, hooking up, romance, Top 10

More Single Women Seek Attached Men



Researchers have debated for years whether men or women are likelier to engage in “mate poaching.” Some surveys indicated that men had a stronger tendency to go after other people’s partners, but was that just because men were more likely to admit engaging in this behavior? Now there’s experimental evidence that single women are particularly drawn to other people’s partners, according to a report in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology by two social psychologists, Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University.

Noting that single women often complain that “all the good men are taken,” the psychologists wondered if “this perception is really based on the fact that taken men are perceived as good.” To investigate, the researchers quizzed male and female undergraduates — some involved in romantic relationships, some unattached — about their ideal romantic partner.

Next, each of the experimental subjects was told that he or she had been matched by a computer with a like-minded partner, and each was shown a photo of an attractive person of the opposite sex. (All the women saw the same photo, as did all the men.) Half of the subjects were told that their match was already romantically involved with someone else, while the other half were told that their match was unattached. Then the subjects were all asked how interested they were in their match.

To the men in the experiment, and to the women who were already in relationships, it didn’t make a significant difference whether their match was single or attached. But single women showed a distinct preference for mate poaching. When the man was described as unattached, 59 percent of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same man was described as being in a committed relationship, 90 percent were interested. The researchers write:

According to a recent poll, most women who engage in mate poaching do not think the attached status of the target played a role in their poaching decision, but our study shows this belief to be false. Single women in this study were significantly more interested in the target when he was attached. This may be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been ‘‘pre-screened” by another woman.

Well, that makes sense. But I asked Dr. Burkley, a professor of social psychology at Oklahoma State, if the correlation could also be due to another factor at work in some women: fear of intimacy. Could their interest in unavailable guys be what was keeping them single in the first place?

Maybe, Dr. Burkley replied. “There are many possible explanations for our results,” she told me, “and future research needs to identify exactly why single women prefer taken men. Our lab is currently conducting studies to try and tease apart the different potential explanations for our findings, but your explanation seems quite plausible.”

Labels: dating, mate poaching, Oklahoma State University, social psychology

TOP 10: Ways Guys Kill the Mood





No.10 - Bad music
As you dim the lights and turn on a little mood music, choose the tunes carefully. Music relays a message about where the night is headed. Avoid anything too girly (Madonna, Avril Lavigne, Miley Cyrus) and steer clear of the clichés ("Let’s Get It On," "Sexual Healing," "I Wanna Sex You Up"). While rock music can make sex exciting, "Smack My Bitch Up" and anything by Nine Inch Nails should not be used on a first date.

No.9 - Answering the phone
Do not, under any circumstances, stop a make-out session to answer the phone. In fact, if you go back to your place at the end of a date, turn your phone off. Interruptions can really put a damper on things, and if it is your mom calling, your girl is probably putting on her jacket already.

No.8 - Groping
You should have left messy groping behind in the 10th grade. Simply grabbing at her boobs with your tongue hanging out won’t cut it. By now, you should know what to do. Moving randomly from body part to body part is confusing and never gives your girl a chance to get into it. Move slowly from one body part to the next -- lightly touching at first, then with more passion.

No.7 - Begging
A girl most likely makes up her mind before the date regarding how far she is willing to go, but you do have a chance to change her mind. At the end of the night, give her a good kiss that takes her breath away. This is when she might reconsider going home with you. If she still isn’t interested, do not whine or beg. If you beg, you will never get a second chance --ever.

No.6 - Being selfish
It takes time to get a woman going. She needs kissing, touching, caressing, and more than two minutes to reach orgasm. If you have moved past the make-out stage and the clothes are coming off, take time to focus on her. If you aren’t satisfying her, she could get frustrated (or bored) and call it a night.



No.5 - Bad kissing
It doesn’t matter how hot a guy is, if he can’t kiss, he isn’t going past first base. When you lean in for the first end-of-the-date kiss, remember to control your tongue. Don’t lick her teeth, chin, cheeks, forehead, etc., and try not to stick it down her throat.

No.4 - Bad conversation
Giving a little verbal praise is always appreciated, but too many “Oh babys” can really kill the mood. Going over-the-top with chatter comes across as fake and forced. Just be natural. If things are really heating up, don’t ask too many questions: “Do you like it when I kiss you?” “Does my hand feel good there?” You shouldn’t have to ask; her reactions will tell you if you are doing a good job.

No.3 - Heading straight for home
You can’t cross the plate without making stops at first, second and third. Do not hand her a glass of wine, turn on some music, lower the lights and then stick your hand in her pants.

No.2 - Asking for permission
Most girls like a man who knows how to take charge, so when you ask for permission every step of the way you come across as a wimp. Asking; “Can I kiss you?” at the end of a date, or “Is this OK?” when kissing comes across as weak. You might as well ask: “Can I grow a pair?” Assess the situation; if she's really into it, man up and take the plunge.

No.1 - Managing her moves
Newsflash: Girls know you want them to touch your penis. If you are making out at home, 20 minutes have passed, and she still has not made a grab for the crotch area, chances are, she isn’t going to. Therefore, do not pull her hand toward your genitals, and do not grab the back of her head and push her down. Women are not stupid, and after the head grab she will most likely blow you off -- and not in the way you had hoped.

Labels: dating, dating advice, guys killing the mood, hooking up, romance, Top 10